Home for the holidays

Well its that time of year again they time for family and friends and food, when we all stop to remember the day that love came down but what about those who can't make it "home". As you sit around the table on Christmas day all the foods that just make Christmas whatever that be for your family, looking around the table maybe there are some chairs that are empty as some family are to far away from "home"

This will be at all my family gathering this year and those who know me, know just how many families I have yet around the tables there will be these empty seats people who are missing because I thought Canada was far away this year I learnt that Heaven is way further.




While I am over 14,000km away from most of my I can still call them and Skype and due this gift of technology I will still see them on Christmas day which can make it feel like home is not that far away. No, I don't think that this is the same as being in the same room as them and yes I wish I could hug them all so very much, I have come to realise that the other end of phone is way better then waiting till heaven to see them again.

(My families trees)

These empty chairs don't mean that there is less love, less family or friends. While our loved ones are spending Christmas with the one who the whole holiday is about Jesus. We can remember the reason for this holiday and remember that this is not the end that because of this day 2000 odd years ago we have a hope and future that we will once again be reunited with those we miss. I know that this does not make it hurt any less or make those empty chairs any less saddening, think about the day Jesus left heaven and the empty chair that would have created the pain it caused seeing him suffer on earth tortured and killed by those he came to save yet he left and created that empty chair so that we can sit at his table when we finally go "home for the holidays".

So where ever you are spending the holidays this year cherish those who are around you. Last year I has this plan to have my first white Christmas and do all the things you see in the movie well my plans changed and because of these plans changing I got to spend so much more time with Jordan and at that time we did not know it would be his last Christmas. Here is the reality we do not know who will make it to next Christmas this time last year I most definitely did not think 17 year old Jordan and Evan or granddad who was so healthy would be spending this Christmas in heaven.




I don't care if you are spending this time with people you have only known for a few months, that what I am doing and I will enjoy it as much as I can because we are not promised a tomorrow. So today I will shine my God to the world, that's why I am here so that when I finally do go "home" the party will be huge. 

Love you all Merry Christmas!!!!

It will never be good, but God is.

I know its been a long time since I last wrote anything its been hard to think of what to say but this is something that has really been on my mind.

If there is one thing that has been said to me the most over the last 9 months it is God will make this good. This really got me think will this situation ever be good, can losing both my grandfathers and one of my closest and best friends and little brother Jordan and his twin Evan all within a year can that ever be good? Or watching close family and friends battle cancer or struggle with suicidal thoughts can this ever be good. Or feeling so alone, standing in a room 100s of miles from those you love feeling that all it would take is a soft breeze and you would completely fall apart. The answer is no. It is never good when you lose loved one. It is never good when you watch them struggle and fight for their lives especially when they are fighting themselves. But God will take these crappy situations and make do good with them but that will never make them good.

 

Do not get me wrong I 100% believe that God is using every single one of these situations and he is working ands bring good I have seen many people hear about Christ for the first time and come to know him though these events. I have see healing and breakthrough that can only come from God and strength to contained fighting even when it seems impossible. God is working and he is there but I will never looking and be like "wow its so good that this happened" but I will be like "wow God did this good with this crappy situation, God is good"

Romans 8:28 "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" I have been given this verse so many times in the past year and I agree with it completely but I also think that most of the time we don't read it or think about it in the context that it was truly written. Our idea of good and Gods can be very different, we don't see the big picture we can see the complete picture of his plan so we can't always understand why things happen the way they do. Sometimes we just want the pain to end that would be "good" but God see "good" as using our pain to help strengthen other or bring them home to him. In the end isn't that better, in the end I want everyone to be at the party in heaven so if they see how amazing God is by the way I go though trials and pain then that is "good". This life was never meant to be easy and we are not called to live comfortable lives. One of the most meaningful saying I have heard in the last 2 years was "for Christians this is the closest to hell we will ever be, but this is the closest to heaven they will ever be" so which is worse us suffering a bit now then getting to spend eternity with God or living an easy life and never being in the presence of God?

I am not saying that to be a Christian means you will suffer and life will never be good I would never wish the hopelessness of your world falling apart on anyone. But we need to be willing to be used by God in the way HE wants to bring his name to all the world. Do not be afraid to speak the name of Christ which is worse you feeling a little embarrassed that God is asking you to speak his truth to a total stranger or that person spending eternity in hell cause they never knew God?

Let God use all the pain all the struggles all the storms not to make them good but so that some good can come from them cause God has a plan and it is perfect and if you believe in him or not you are apart of his plan and he wants you and loves you more then you will ever be able to understand.

Praise God in the storms.

It has been a very hard month and I have lost count of the amount of times that I have been asked "if I am ok" or the amount of times that people have said "they are sorry". Its funny how people always say the same thing when they don't know what to say I know I do this too. But the truth is that the words don't really matter to much people just need to know that there is someone who cares and is there for them cause the truth is that no amount of words will bring that person back or even take away the pain of their loss. But there is 1 thing I do know that God is good and he does bring peace and he does bring comfort and even joy. Its the strangest feeling to feel joy while your heart is broken and your eyes are full of tears but that is how amazing our God is.






One day I sat down to just think about the events of the last few
weeks and to try and work out how I was going to adjust to this new reality and this is what I realised: all I wanted to do was "go home" I just felt so homesick that was all I wanted but then I was faced with this question "where is home?" is it here in Truro where I am currently living? Or in Calgary with my amazing friend? Or Australia with the most supportive family one can ask for? As I thought though this question I came to realise that is was all of those place and none of them at the same time. Home is with God. We are not made for this world this is not where we belong, we belong with God. It is in these time of great sorrow and hurt that we just crave him even when we don't realise that is what we are wanting. And no this does not take away the pain, this does not make going on with each day easy but it does make it easier.

God can and does bring comfort when you are so broken that even the thought of getting out of bed is to much. He will be with you as you cry your self to sleep. HE is right there as you break down in the store cause you saw someone who looked like them or remembered something you used to do together. Life will not be easy for you just because you follow God but He is with you and makes it worth living. This is a process and learning to live without someone you never thought you would live without is one of the hardest things to do but we can take hope that this is not the end that there is a life after death and that we will see our loved ones again if they believed that Christ died for them. We have an eternal hope it does not mean it will make this life better but it will definitely make the next one better.






Thank you to everyone who has supported me and especially Jordan and Evan's family over the last month, to all those in Australia who where apart of the prayer vigil during the funereal, God presents could really be felt in that place and your support was instrumental. I know I have not been able to thank you individually and have not been the best at replying but I am truly grateful. God bless you all. Love you all :)