I'm always leaving.

The adventures when you follow God are the best you will ever have, no matter what dreams you have, the plans you have made when you live for God His plans, His way will always be better. This is the life i have chosen and to chose it all i had to do was say yes, say yes to living his way not mine but what does this mean?  

These days it seems i am always leaving somewhere and no matter how much i want to be in the place i am going, i never want to leave. Saying goodbye is always so hard leaving is always going to suck because the reality is you never know if it will be the last. This is what happens when you travel when the term "Home" can be many difference places. 

I know where my home is and right now there are people i love very much waiting for me there but for now i am here on earth and while i know my home is in heaven that does not mean we don't get a taste of it down here. That is what i think we call home that feeling of belonging that we get when are in the presence of our Lord so the taste of it we have down here is nothing compared to what we will have. 

So what do you do when there are many places that to you feel like home? That when you go to one you are leaving the other? well in my opinion, you say yes. You follow the one who created it all the one that gave us "home". Gods plan is way better then our His ways are so much better and while this will never make leaving easy Jesus is worth of it. There is nothing we can give up no cost that there is that will ever be more then what God has done for us what he is worthy of our everything. Even if that means leaving. Leaving our old lives behind and following him wherever he send us. 

(All these pictures where taken in places that feel like home, most of which i would not have if i did not say yes)

No, i am not okay.

                                           Its been a year and i miss him more everyday. <3 

It has been 1 year since i last talked to my little brother to share my day with him, to hear about his and make silly jokes that no one but us would understand. When i lost him and his twin the storm clouds seemed like they would never end. while i still hide a lot of pain behind a smile it has been in this pain that i have learnt a lot and most of what i have learnt has still come from my little brother. 

He had a faith that changed lives everyone he met was changed and his life just screamed Jesus and that is how i want to live. While i have really struggled over the last year and still do i have never lost my faith in God, in His goodness and faithfulness. While i might be falling apart He is and always be faithful, He has never left me so why would i ever leave him. This has been one of the biggest lesson i have learnt that no matter what life can throw at us God is always bigger and he is always with us. 

These are my amazing grandfathers who have both gone to heaven in the last few years. 

We are not promised a tomorrow, so why do we put off living until later. There is this hope that i have been able to hold onto over the last year and that is that all those i have lost in the past 2 years i will see again i know exactly where they are, in the arms of our loving savouir. What about those that do not have that hope. How can they go though lose without it and how can we as a body of Christ not go out there and change that. We have the best gift that we can ever have and we need to share it with the world. 

This is the biggest lesson i have learnt out of the many many and it is in many ways i am not okay and the biggest thing I AM NOT OKAY with is that there is many people in this world that have never heard the name of Jesus and that is not okay. We can not be content with this and we need to fight with ever breathe we have we need to show the world this hope that we have because we do not know when we will be going home to the arms of Jesus. While we are hear we need to fight, fight ageist the world and what it throws at us and shout the name of Jesus. There are to many people in this world that are hurting and don't have any hope we need to show them. I can't wait to party it up with my brothers in Heaven but i want that party to be huge so until then i will tell everyone i can about the Love and salvation that come from Jesus. 

Home for the holidays

Well its that time of year again they time for family and friends and food, when we all stop to remember the day that love came down but what about those who can't make it "home". As you sit around the table on Christmas day all the foods that just make Christmas whatever that be for your family, looking around the table maybe there are some chairs that are empty as some family are to far away from "home"

This will be at all my family gathering this year and those who know me, know just how many families I have yet around the tables there will be these empty seats people who are missing because I thought Canada was far away this year I learnt that Heaven is way further.




While I am over 14,000km away from most of my I can still call them and Skype and due this gift of technology I will still see them on Christmas day which can make it feel like home is not that far away. No, I don't think that this is the same as being in the same room as them and yes I wish I could hug them all so very much, I have come to realise that the other end of phone is way better then waiting till heaven to see them again.

(My families trees)

These empty chairs don't mean that there is less love, less family or friends. While our loved ones are spending Christmas with the one who the whole holiday is about Jesus. We can remember the reason for this holiday and remember that this is not the end that because of this day 2000 odd years ago we have a hope and future that we will once again be reunited with those we miss. I know that this does not make it hurt any less or make those empty chairs any less saddening, think about the day Jesus left heaven and the empty chair that would have created the pain it caused seeing him suffer on earth tortured and killed by those he came to save yet he left and created that empty chair so that we can sit at his table when we finally go "home for the holidays".

So where ever you are spending the holidays this year cherish those who are around you. Last year I has this plan to have my first white Christmas and do all the things you see in the movie well my plans changed and because of these plans changing I got to spend so much more time with Jordan and at that time we did not know it would be his last Christmas. Here is the reality we do not know who will make it to next Christmas this time last year I most definitely did not think 17 year old Jordan and Evan or granddad who was so healthy would be spending this Christmas in heaven.




I don't care if you are spending this time with people you have only known for a few months, that what I am doing and I will enjoy it as much as I can because we are not promised a tomorrow. So today I will shine my God to the world, that's why I am here so that when I finally do go "home" the party will be huge. 

Love you all Merry Christmas!!!!

It will never be good, but God is.

I know its been a long time since I last wrote anything its been hard to think of what to say but this is something that has really been on my mind.

If there is one thing that has been said to me the most over the last 9 months it is God will make this good. This really got me think will this situation ever be good, can losing both my grandfathers and one of my closest and best friends and little brother Jordan and his twin Evan all within a year can that ever be good? Or watching close family and friends battle cancer or struggle with suicidal thoughts can this ever be good. Or feeling so alone, standing in a room 100s of miles from those you love feeling that all it would take is a soft breeze and you would completely fall apart. The answer is no. It is never good when you lose loved one. It is never good when you watch them struggle and fight for their lives especially when they are fighting themselves. But God will take these crappy situations and make do good with them but that will never make them good.

 

Do not get me wrong I 100% believe that God is using every single one of these situations and he is working ands bring good I have seen many people hear about Christ for the first time and come to know him though these events. I have see healing and breakthrough that can only come from God and strength to contained fighting even when it seems impossible. God is working and he is there but I will never looking and be like "wow its so good that this happened" but I will be like "wow God did this good with this crappy situation, God is good"

Romans 8:28 "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose" I have been given this verse so many times in the past year and I agree with it completely but I also think that most of the time we don't read it or think about it in the context that it was truly written. Our idea of good and Gods can be very different, we don't see the big picture we can see the complete picture of his plan so we can't always understand why things happen the way they do. Sometimes we just want the pain to end that would be "good" but God see "good" as using our pain to help strengthen other or bring them home to him. In the end isn't that better, in the end I want everyone to be at the party in heaven so if they see how amazing God is by the way I go though trials and pain then that is "good". This life was never meant to be easy and we are not called to live comfortable lives. One of the most meaningful saying I have heard in the last 2 years was "for Christians this is the closest to hell we will ever be, but this is the closest to heaven they will ever be" so which is worse us suffering a bit now then getting to spend eternity with God or living an easy life and never being in the presence of God?

I am not saying that to be a Christian means you will suffer and life will never be good I would never wish the hopelessness of your world falling apart on anyone. But we need to be willing to be used by God in the way HE wants to bring his name to all the world. Do not be afraid to speak the name of Christ which is worse you feeling a little embarrassed that God is asking you to speak his truth to a total stranger or that person spending eternity in hell cause they never knew God?

Let God use all the pain all the struggles all the storms not to make them good but so that some good can come from them cause God has a plan and it is perfect and if you believe in him or not you are apart of his plan and he wants you and loves you more then you will ever be able to understand.

Praise God in the storms.

It has been a very hard month and I have lost count of the amount of times that I have been asked "if I am ok" or the amount of times that people have said "they are sorry". Its funny how people always say the same thing when they don't know what to say I know I do this too. But the truth is that the words don't really matter to much people just need to know that there is someone who cares and is there for them cause the truth is that no amount of words will bring that person back or even take away the pain of their loss. But there is 1 thing I do know that God is good and he does bring peace and he does bring comfort and even joy. Its the strangest feeling to feel joy while your heart is broken and your eyes are full of tears but that is how amazing our God is.






One day I sat down to just think about the events of the last few
weeks and to try and work out how I was going to adjust to this new reality and this is what I realised: all I wanted to do was "go home" I just felt so homesick that was all I wanted but then I was faced with this question "where is home?" is it here in Truro where I am currently living? Or in Calgary with my amazing friend? Or Australia with the most supportive family one can ask for? As I thought though this question I came to realise that is was all of those place and none of them at the same time. Home is with God. We are not made for this world this is not where we belong, we belong with God. It is in these time of great sorrow and hurt that we just crave him even when we don't realise that is what we are wanting. And no this does not take away the pain, this does not make going on with each day easy but it does make it easier.

God can and does bring comfort when you are so broken that even the thought of getting out of bed is to much. He will be with you as you cry your self to sleep. HE is right there as you break down in the store cause you saw someone who looked like them or remembered something you used to do together. Life will not be easy for you just because you follow God but He is with you and makes it worth living. This is a process and learning to live without someone you never thought you would live without is one of the hardest things to do but we can take hope that this is not the end that there is a life after death and that we will see our loved ones again if they believed that Christ died for them. We have an eternal hope it does not mean it will make this life better but it will definitely make the next one better.






Thank you to everyone who has supported me and especially Jordan and Evan's family over the last month, to all those in Australia who where apart of the prayer vigil during the funereal, God presents could really be felt in that place and your support was instrumental. I know I have not been able to thank you individually and have not been the best at replying but I am truly grateful. God bless you all. Love you all :)

Counting the cost

we have all heard verse like  mark 8:34 it says "if anyone would come after me let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" but have you ever stopped to think about what this would mean? to carry his cross would be the act of carrying the beam of the a cross that a person would be killed on it was humiliating and painful walk to your own death. We are called to do this daily to die to our self and to live for Christ.

 Not once does the bible say that this life was meant to be easy but it does make it very clear that we will suffer, be hated and persecuted. While this may look very different from person to person will happen if you are living your live for Christ. We are called to not live like world but to live like Christ and that will make us different. To live a life like Christ means that we must suffer like Christ he was hated beaten and died the most humiliating and painful deaths but more than that he took the wrath of God for our sin he dies and suffered for us, we need to be willing to do the same. Dying for us was the most that he can do living for him is the lest that we can do.






There is a lot of talk about what it will cost to be obedient and follow God. What are you willing to give up and what you are willing to suffer for Christ. you may be willing to pay any cost to follow Christ, hatred, persecution, beating and even death. But what about the cost that your obedience on the around you it can often be that those you love will pay more then you will. It will affect them and they will suffer for it but this is the awesome thing about suffering for Christ is not really a loss but a gain. The people we love we have to pay the price sometimes it can be even greater on them then on us, so what is your limit, what are you willing to give up to follow Christ cause we are called to give up everything.

When we are in trials and suffering that God is not absent he has not suddenly forgotten us in fact it is just the opposite he is working all the things together for our good for those who love him. God works all things together for even the worst things together for good.While it might not seem like there is no suffering no pain no cost to high that will even compare to the glory that we are going to see. So whether it is missing out of time with family, being hated by family or friends losing people you care about, physical pain  or even death. It will be nothing compared to what Christ suffered for us.





When going though trials ans suffering do you worship God because he is good or blame him for your pain. God is always good no matter what you are going though in life he is and he his working and he is right there with you. The cost of obedience is high but the cost of disobedience is even higher.

What’s the purpose?

Why are we here? What is the meaning of all this? Is there a reason at all? There are many that struggle with questions like these both Christian and non-Christians alike. It can be easy to feel lost and alone in this world there are so many people out there that just go about their lives without really living at all, life was meant for so much more. As Christians we have a very clear and different calling on our lives.

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations baptising the in the name of the father

and of the son and of the holy spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have

commanded you. And behold I am with you always to the end of the age.

Matthew 28:19-20.

Is it that simple?  Is the reason we were created to further God kingdom on earth? We can hear all the Christian language about our lives and how we are should and should not live them.  While we should look different to the world because we are not of this world, we can get more caught up in technicalities and lose sight of God. It can become a religion rather than a relationship. We have a God who wants a relationship with us. He does not need us, he wants us. Being wanted by the God who created the universe should give us meaning and purpose.

I have seen everything that is done under the sun and behold all is meaningless,

a chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 1:14

There is nothing that we can do in our lives that will be of any meaning apart from God. You can have the highest paying job, amazing friends and all the joys that this world can offer but that is meaningless without God.  For what is this life on this world but a fleeting blip. God is eternal and we should live our lives for him 100% in everything we do. I am not trying to say that you should not have high paying job or amazing friends. I have the most amazing friends on the planet!!! But that is not where you should find the purpose of your life. Our purpose should come from God and the promise that he has already fulfilled with the loving sacrifice that Jesus made by dying and giving us hope. Hope for eternal life this life that we live on earth is not forever and what ever suffering we have not it will not last so giving our whole lives to God. This life on earth is the closet the Christians are going to get to hell, but it is the closet to heaven that non-Christians will ever get. we cant let this be the best for them when they have a saviour that wants them and loves them.

And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:14

Our lives should be lived for one reason, our purpose to worship God and shine his light to the world with everything that we do. Why? Because of the gift of love that he gave us, Love that needs to be shared with everyone that does not know it. This does not mean that everyone should quit their jobs and go and live in villages in Africa telling people about Jesus. If everyone was called to that then who would reach the people who work in offices or those who drive buses, the children who will grow up to be the next generations of believers? God has placed each one of us where we are for a reason. He has given us our calling and he gives our lives meaning. All we need to do is step up, step out and shine for him.

The end of the matter all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments for

this is the whole duty of man. Ecclesiastes 12:13

One definition of fearing God is to love what he loves and hate what he hates. So can the simple answer to the question “what is the meaning of life” be love God, love others.  If God gives us meaning and purpose why would be not want to fulfill it? We should want to live our lives 100% sold out for God and we should want to share him and his love with the world. We have been given the great gift of all time why would we not want to tell people about it. Let our light shine!!

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

1^st Corinthians 13:1-7